“This is your life. Are you who you want to be?”
My dad is a pretty great dad. He isn’t the most outspoken of people and he hates being involved with any of my girly drama. But he has always provided consistent, solid, silent, support. He knows I’ve been struggling with the same boy for way too long now. It angers him and hurts him when I am hurting, but he seldom says anything about it. He caught me in a moment of weakness a while ago. Late at night when I thought everyone was sleeping and I couldn’t help but start feeling sorry for myself and my constant “not even a relationship” troubles.
He just sat down next to me on the floor for a few minutes before he got up, pulled me up, looked me in the eyes and asked “Are you who you want to be? Is this how you want to live?” And that got me thinking. Am I who I want to be?
The answer was no. I’m not who I want to be. So I’ve been taking baby steps to get there. But it’s much harder than it sounds. When someone or something has become so ingrained in your life, it’s so hard to cut them out. Even when you know they’re toxic to you and your happiness. You’ve gotten used to them and you’ve developed a routine around them and their drama. It’s scary to think about your life when you consider actually letting them go.
I’ve never been one to insist that people “move on” from a relationship the second it ends. Everyone grieves at their own pace. Everyone heals in their own time. But I’m learning there’s a difference between healing and being stuck. I’ve been stuck for a very long time. The only way I’m going to become the person I want to be is if I start living my life differently. Letting go isn’t giving up. It’s giving yourself another chance at happiness.